Mormon Census

We got a kick out of this....one of them is bound to make you laugh out loud.

1. Name: __________
2. Descendant of:  A) Adam and Eve   B) Cain and Abel   C) Laman and Lemuel   D) Laurel and Hardy
3. Tribe:________
4: Number of occupants in home:
Nursery __
Jr. Primary__
Sr. Primary __
Young Women __
Young Men __
Relief Society __
Elder __
Dearly Departed __
High Priest __
5. Occupation:   A) Amway dealer   B) Shaklee dealer   C) Nonie juice dealer    D) Nu Skin dealer
6, Automobile:    A) Station Wagon   B) Van    C) Suburban    D) School Bus    E) Double Decker
7. Favorite place to eat the night before Fast Sunday    A) Chuck-a-Rama    B) Home Town Buffet    C) Sumo Sam's All You Can Eat Feeding Trough
8. Hero:   A) Nephi   B) Abinadi   C)  Samuel the Lamanite   D) Steve Young    E) Johnny Lingo
9. Which of the following do you bring to church?    A) Scriptures   B) Daytimers   C) Pen/Pencil   D) Lifesavers   E) Tic Tacs   F) Game Boy   G) Big Gulp   H) Cooler   I) Sony Walkman   J) TV Watch   K) All of the above
10. Do you prepare your lessons: A) A month in advance  B) A week in advance  C) While in the bathtub   D) While on the toilet   E) During Sacrament Meeting   F) During the closing prayer of Sacrament Meeting   G) During the opening prayer of the class you're teaching  H) Just wing it
11. Do you think pews should be permanently equipped with Big Gulp holders: __yes __no
12.  How many years has your family sat in the same place for Sacrament Meeting?  A) 10-20 yrs   B) 20-30 yrs   C) 30-40 yrs   D) Over 3 generations
13.  How much time does it take for you to fall asleep during a high council talk?  A) 1/100,000,000th of a second   B) 1/999,999,999th of a second   C) 1/999,999,998th of a second
14. What day of the month do you go home/visiting teaching? A) 31st   B) 31st   C) 31st   D) 31st
15. How many church basketball fight were you in last year?  A) 1-10   B) 10-20   C) 20-30   D) You'll have to ask my lawyer
16. Which of the following has been your most effective FHE?  A) Arguing about getting along   B) Having an opening and closing prayer with dinner   C) Gathering around the television to watch "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?"
17.  How many times a year do you make:
__Jello Salad
__Funeral Potatoes
__Cabbage and Top Ramen salad
__ Turkey, cashews, and grape-stuffed croissants
18.  how many water-filled two-liter bottles do you own?  A) 1-2 thousand   B) 2-3 thousand   C) 3-4 thousand   D) Enough to fill the Great Salt Lake
19.  Which of the following do you feel is the most secure facility in the nation:  A) Alcatraz  B) Fort Knox  C) Ward Libraries
20.  How many aerodynamic, mechanical and structural engineers do you hire annually insure you'll win the pinewood derby?
21.  Keeping the Word of Wisdom in mind, how much of the following do you consume:
Chocolate ___ pounds daily X 365 days annually
Cola ___ pounds daily X 365  days annually
22. If you had to choose between witnessing the Second Coming  or attending a BYU/U of U football game, which would you chose?